Care
by Higgy
Summary: Helping the Hopeless. and they don't come anymore hopeless than an insane vampire who can't feed. chapter 3 has been improved, alot!
1. Care

"Button button who's got the button? It defiantly isn't the witch. But Red's still a bad girl. And William's still a bad man, don't think you'll change that."  
  
Angel sighed to himself. Spike was awake and rambling on about something again. Angel had brought back the younger vampire to L.A. about a week ago, and there was no change in progress. He still spoke in riddles.  
  
Leaving the desk he was sitting at. Angel made his way to his bedroom. Spike had chosen to stay in there since his arrival and had made his own 'bed' in the corner. It consisted of six pillows and a duvet although he did sleep in a corner on the floor, he was happy and that was all that mattered.  
  
Unlocking the door, Angel breezed in and shut it automatically behind him. "Spike? How are you feeling?" peering around the darkened room he searched for the younger. Despite being told and shown, Spike still refused to have the curtains open, even though the glass didn't let the harmful rays in.  
  
"Why are you here?" came a voice from the shadows. "Shouldn't you be back in your big city looking after the pets you have? Speaking of which where are my pets."  
  
"Spike," Angel began the familiar talk he had to recite every time Spike woke up. "You're not in Sunnydale anymore. You're in L.A. with my friends and me. Angel. Remember?"  
  
"Right. Not pets. Shouldn't have said that. Stupid William, stupid boy." Spike cut himself off and began thumping his head against the nearest wall, accentuating every word with a hit. "Never pets. Not pets. Not friends to William. William is a bad, rude man. Shall be punished."  
  
"Spike." Angel pulled him back and held him still while whispering in his ear. "Stop it. You wont be punished. I swear. Okay? I'm going to help you and you're going to be okay."  
  
"No." came the whispered reply. "I don't think it ever will be okay again. So many things have happened. Some small some big and I caused them all. So terribly bad."  
  
Angel sighed again. Each day he tried to talk some sense into Spike. Who he was, what had happened and that he was good. Yet each day he felt as if he was the thing that held Spike back from recovery. "Come on now Spike. Let's get you fed." Pulling a bottle of blood from his bedside cabinet he took his childe and sat on the edge of the bed. "Now open up."  
  
Spike fidgeted and moved his face away from the bottle held to his lips. "Can't." he murmured. "Can't keep it down. Bring it back up again straight away. You know I will."  
  
"No you wont Spike." The elder patiently moved the other onto his lap and held him there. "How about we have a little bit now? Only a little sip, just so you can get some nutrients into your system." Holding him firmly Angel put the bottle to the others lips and let the liquid brush against his lips. Pulling it away again he waited until Spike had licked off the blood before trying again. "There we go. Now just open your lips a little bit."  
  
Spike did so and let the life juice slide between his parched lips. Holding onto his sire's shirt with both hands and kneading the soft silk with his knuckles he swallowed slowly and awaited the next mouthful.  
  
All the while Angel whispered comforting words in Spike's ear and held him tight. After the forth gulp he lowered the bottle and put it back onto the side. Spike sighed and shifted his head to lie against Angel's shoulder. Smelling the sweet scent of his sire calmed him and helped to keep the blood down.  
  
"Does that feel a bit better?" Angel asked and was glad when he felt Spike nod his head against his shoulder. He barely realised he was rubbing circles onto Spike's back, much like you do to a child to burp them.  
  
"Wont last though. You'll have to leave. Like always."  
  
"Spike, I only work down the hall, in my office. Why don't you come with me now? It'll do you good to come out of this room. I'll leave the door open so you can come back whenever you like." Looking into the younger's eyes he saw the fear and squeezed him tighter slightly. "Would you like to do that?"  
  
"Will there be people? And blood?"  
  
"There will only be blood in a bottle for us to eat. And yes some people may come in, but only if I say so. You will be perfectly safe I promise." Angel let Spike from his hold and stood up, still looking at his childe the whole time.  
  
Spike let the ghost of a smile touch his lips before holding out his hand. "Take me." he whispered and took a shaky step towards his sire, and the door.  
  
Accepting the hand and tugging the other vampire nearer, Angel started down the hallway slowly. It was only a short walk to his office, but to an insane vampire who hadn't left his room in a week it would probably seem rather daunting. Practically dragging Spike to the door he paused before opening it. The younger vampire was shaking.  
  
"Spike?" Looking into his childe's eyes Angel could see the fear. Hugging him to his side he pushed the door gently open. As soon as he saw the sunlight, Spike pulled back and tried to go back into the bedroom. Angel held on round his waist and gently pulled Spike backwards into the office. Closing the door behind him he instantly locked it and let go of Spike.  
  
Immediately after being released Spike rushed to the door and began clawing at the wood. "No. No." he wailed. "Can't stay here. Too pure. Too pure for William. Stop it!" falling to his knees in front of the door he began pounding at it, reciting his mantra as he continued. "Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it..."  
  
Angel was now sitting at his desk watching his insane childe. It was tearing him up inside not to close the blinds and let him be. Or to take him back to the bedroom and let him curl up in his nest he called a bed. "No Spike." He replied. "This is for your own good. You need to understand that you don't belong in the darkness. You are a good man."  
  
"Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it..."  
  
"Spike."  
  
"Stop it. Stop it..." "Spike!"  
  
"Stop it. Stop it. Stop it..." he was now curled up at the base of the door rocking back and forth muttering to himself, trapped in his own turmoil.  
  
"William hush!"  
  
Spike immediately froze. Slowly lifting his gaze, he looked at his sire and tears began rolling down his cheeks. "I'm sorry." He whispered. "William didn't mean to be bad. Teach me sire. Teach me till it hurts." Holding out his trembling hands in front of him, Spike walked on his knees until he reached Angel's desk. Keeping his palms flat upwards and locking his gaze onto the floor beneath him, he took deep shuddering breaths and prepared himself for what was coming.  
  
Angel gazed at his childe. All it had taken was using his real name and Spike had listened. No pain, or threats had been necessary. He might have yelled but it was only because his temper had been wearing thin. He slowly got up from his chair and walked round the desk to kneel in front of Spike. Taking the still trembling hands in his he talked to his son for the first time in a century. "William. I need you to listen to me. You do not need to be punished. You have done nothing wrong. Only bad people get punished and you are not one of them. Do you understand?"  
  
Spike nodded and Angel continued. "You have a soul now, like me. You are a good man. Okay? And I am going to help you understand that." Slightly squeezing one of the hands he held he released the other and tipped Spike's head up so he could see into his eyes. "Do you want me to do that?" Spike nodded again and it looked like he was finally getting somewhere.  
  
"Yes sire. Teach William. No..." he cut himself off and looked back into Angel's eyes. "Help William. Help. Not teach." Angel smiled his first real smile since the week had begun. Finally Spike was beginning to understand.  
  
"There's my boy." He released his childe's hand and pulled him to his feet. "Now first thing's first. Stand here." He stood back up and put Spike in front of him facing the window. When Spike persisted in turning round to find his sire's face Angel turned him back around and slipped his hands around his waist, holding him still. "I'm still here. You know I am. So stop worrying. Now look." Slowly turning his head back Spike did as he was told. "You see? When you're in here, in this building, the windows have been made so the sun can't hurt us." Lifting one of his hands in front of Spike's face he let him follow it through the sunlight. "See? No burning."  
  
"No burning." Spike lifted one of his hands and placed it in his sire's. He watched patiently as Angel slid his and his childe's hands through the sunlight, although he did flinch at first, still expecting the familiar burning. Chuckling slightly he put both hands in the light and moved them back and forth, Angel still holding round his waist as if to keep him grounded. "How do they do it sire? How do they stop William from burning? Burning like it does in the pits of hell. Where William shall go if he's not good. William's not a good man, not a good man at all. William's..."  
  
"William. Hush now childe. Hush now." Angel whispered into Spike's ear. Trying to ignore the insane outburst he took both of Spike's hands and pushed them through the rays again. "It's special glass. Magic glass. Made especially for good vampires. Like William."  
  
"Like Liam?" "And Liam as well. Liam and William are good men. Aren't they?"  
  
Stepping away from his sire and touching the glass with his fingertips Spike began tracing shapes and patterns onto the surface. "Yes. They are."  
  
Sitting back at his desk Angel continued with some paperwork that had made its way there yet still keeping an eye on his insane childe. A few minutes passed in comfortable silence except for the slight squeak of Spike's finger on the glass. Angel looked up to check everything was okay when there was no squeak for a while. Seeing a frown on the younger's face Angel decided to break the silence. "William? What is it? What's wrong?"  
  
Spike looked at his sire with a look of pure confusion on his features. "Why isn't there a mark?" he turned back to the windowpane. "I try to make a difference, but it doesn't show. Why sire?"  
  
Angel smiled and placed a hand over the glass Spike was now scratching at. "Because you need a pen and paper to make a mark silly. You can't write with your finger, at least not on glass if it's not steamed up. Come on. Come here and I'll get you some pencils and paper to use. Would you like that?"  
  
Spike nodded and looked out of the window again. "But no copying from you. Must finish the work and copying means bad. But Liam and William are good vampires."  
  
Steering Spike towards a chair next to his own, Angel let his childe sit down and put some plain paper in front of him. "Dammit." He muttered after searching every drawer and yet not finding what he was looking for. "Boss of an international evil law firm and yet I don't have any colouring pencils. Typical." He sighed and stood up.  
  
Making his way to the door, he paused when he heard Spike give a faint whimper. Turning back he went to kneel in front of the still sitting vampire. "Will, I'm just going outside to get you some things. Okay? I'll be right back. Just stay here and don't touch anything. I'll be right back." He turned back around and this time made it through the door without Spike making a noise.  
  
Locking the door behind him, so no one else could enter and scare Spike, he made his way down the corridor to Harmony's abandoned reception desk. 'It may not be the best time to leave him on his own, but he's got to learn' he reasoned with himself. Checking through the draws and scanning the desk full of unicorns he grinned when he found a pack of pencils.  
  
"What are you planning on drawing?" jerking up Angel smiled at Wesley who was leaning on the desk watching the vampire's every move.  
  
"They're not for me." he answered. "They're for Spike. He wanted to draw things on the window and got confused when there was no mark. How come I don't have any of these in my office?"  
  
Wesley shrugged. "Wait...your office?" when Angel nodded Wesley carried on. "You mean Spike's out of your room? He's actually in your office. Now?" Wesley accepted the vampire's grin as a yes. "Well that's brilliant news. He's doing well."  
  
"Yes he is. He now understands that the sun can't hurt us through the glass as well." Angel picked up the pencils and turned to the man. "Hey Wes. You used to be a watcher. So you wouldn't be as freaked out as other people to see and insane vampire would you?" Wesley shook his head and Angel smiled. "Could you come and see him? I want him to get used to other people. He's only seen me for a week."  
  
"Certainly. I'll come now if you want."  
  
"Great, come on." They made their way back up the lawyer filled staircases of Wolfram and Hart and came to stop outside the door of Angel's office. "Now I know you've read all about Spike's past so you know how dangerous he can be. He's insane and confused so don't do anything unexpected okay? If he tries to hurt you, which he shouldn't, but if he does then don't make a fuss. Just go outside and to the medical department and I'll deal with Spike."  
  
"Angel it will be fine." The ex-watcher soothed. "You tell him who I am, then I'll come and sit down and read a book so he can get used to having more than one person."  
  
Angel nodded and unlocked the door. Turning the handle he and Wesley stepped into the office before he locked it behind him. However when he turned around, he was not prepared for what he saw.  
  
Spike was sitting in the middle of the floor rocking back and forth, gripping his arms tightly, surrounded by a pool of blood. Blood. It was on every surface available in the office. Including the walls, desk and Spike. Fresh cuts leaked blood from his arms onto the floor and adding to the sea of crimson he was sitting in.  
  
Wesley gasped and took a step into the room. Glancing round he froze at the smell of the metallic liquid, it made him want to heave, but he dare not move in case he alarmed Spike. Standing perfectly still, he waited for Angel's reaction, and was not pleased when it came.  
  
"William! What the hell have you done to my office?" he yelled which only made Spike cringe further away.  
  
Hiding his head back in his arms, Spike whispered what he thought was the correct answer. "I made a mark, like a good boy. William is a good boy."  
  
"How exactly does wrecking my office and hurting yourself count as good William? This is bad." Angel was now yelling and Spike's eyes were filling with tears. "Bad William. You hear me? You shouldn't have done this. Look at your arms Will, you hurt them badly, you stupid boy." Dropping to his knees in front of Spike, Angel stopped yelling but continued his rant, anger still lacing his voice. "What am I going to do with you William?"  
  
Spike shivered and pushed himself away from the scowling vampire. "I...I don't know." He whispered. Tears were now cascading down his cheeks onto his already ruined tee shirt. "H...hurt me, beat me, whip me, hit m...me, punch me, kick me, and teach me. I'm so bad. I need to be taught not helped. Bad William."  
  
Spike was now standing up and sobbing hysterically. Huge breaths of air escaped his lips as he shuddered from the tears. "But I didn't mean it. I wanted to make a mark. Then...then..." Spike cut himself off and ran past Angel. Throwing himself into the nearest person's arms, he began crying into their shoulder.  
  
Wesley, caught off guard, almost fell backwards. He probably would have if Spike had weighed anything. Luckily, the vampire had lost practically all of his blood and weight; therefore he was not heavy at all. Indeed it was a miracle that Spike's legs hadn't given way. Keeping his balance, Wesley held the vampire loosely, not quite sure what to do.  
  
Spike was kneading Wesley's shirt with his fingertips, like a cat does with its paws when trying to get comfortable. The vampire's face was buried in the crook of Wesley's neck and tears were soaking his skin through the fabric. Also soaking him was the blood still dripping from Spike's wounds, the liquid was turning his shirt crimson in colour and was staining his skin slightly pink. Spike was shaking uncontrollably and was still trying to speak into Wesley's shirt. "Then...then...then h...h...he..."  
  
Angel had now risen from the bloodstained floor and was trying to control his temper. Taking deep unneeded breaths, he thought about what he had just said. "Shit." He murmured to himself. He had just called Spike bad. All of that trust he had gained in the past week had just vanished. He might as well have just beaten Spike; it would have had the same effect. Now he would have to regain Spike's trust, and the first step was to apologise.  
  
Taking a few steps towards Wesley and Spike, he outstretched a hand and brushed it along the back of Spike's head. Ever since he was a fledgling Spike had found that having his hair stroked was soothing. Angelus had also found this and every time he had found Spike in a state, Angelus used to brush the top of his head to give comfort. However, when Spike felt the fingers on his head, he pulled away and tried to bury his face into Wesley's shoulder, all the while whimpering, "Don't hurt William. He tried to be good. But he's bad, and he's sorry. He's so so so sorry. Please don't. Please, please, please, please..."  
  
Wesley could see the hurt plain on Angel's face and decided to intervene. "Spike? Erm...William?" glad to see he got a reaction from the second name Wesley managed to lift Spike's face and look into his eyes. "Do you want to...to leave here? Go somewhere else for now?" seeing Spike nod Wesley continued. "Let's put you back to bed yes? We can patch up those arms as well..." He was cut off by Spike shaking his head frantically.  
  
"No." he whimpered. "Not there. He comes there and he will hurt the bad boy. Please no. Please."  
  
"Who comes there?"  
  
"Liam. The good man who hurts the bad boys. William's a bad boy."  
  
"Alright Spike." The exwatcher sighed. "You can stay in my office for a bit. I have things you can use to make a mark with. Would you like that?"  
  
Spike nodded mutely and allowed himself to be half dragged, half carried from the office into another one down the hall. Leaving Angel in silence and blood.  
  
How could he have been so stupid? Angel was left to wonder. His childe had been confused since he had arrived. Now he was upset and felt abandoned by the one person who was meant to help him, no matter what. As soon as he had heard that Spike had regained a soul he had got into his car (the viper, of course) and had made his way to Sunnydale.  
  
'Typical' he thought to himself. It had taken him 100 years to deal with his soul, and now he could help someone else, his childe no less, through the same thing. And all he had managed to do was hurt Spike more. Redemption was looking far off. Pressing the button on his communicator he ordered someone to have his office cleared up and back to normal before he got back.  
  
He left the room and made his way downstairs to the main entrance, intent on getting some space to think. However, when he reached the main floor he met the one person that could make things worse. Sighing he looked into their eyes and tried to speak as if everything was normal.  
  
"Hello Buffy."  
  
* * * * *  
  
Wesley couldn't help it. He gave a sigh of relief when Spike finally let go of him and sat at the chair provided. Gathering a few valuables from his desk and placing them elsewhere, he watched as Spike drew on the paper given to him, corner of his tongue poking out the side of his mouth in concentration. Smiling slightly Wesley put the pencils he had taken from Angel and put them on the desk next to where Spike was working.  
  
"There we go." He said as Spike continued, arm around work to prevent Wesley from 'copying' the scribbles. "Are your arms okay? I didn't tie the bandages too tight did I?" Still concentrating on his work, Spike shook his head without looking up. "Good." Finding it hard to keep conversation with Spike, Wesley soon turned to his books for entertainment. After awhile he became aware of someone watching him. Looking up, he saw Spike turn away and carry on with his scribbles.  
  
"What is it?" he asked the vampire.  
  
Sighing and putting down the yellow pencil he was using, Spike spoke the first coherent sentence he had since he arrived. "Can you leave please? I have to finish my work and I can't do it if someone might copy me."  
  
Wesley was stunned for a few seconds before managing an answer. "Well...I don't think I should leave for a while Spi...William. In case you...err...in case Liam comes back." Pleased with his quick thinking, he was disappointed when the insane vampire bested him.  
  
Sighing again Spike picked up the pencil and held it at an awkward angle in his right hand; he began colouring and frowned when it didn't come out neatly. "Liam wont come back." he continued. "He left me once, and he's left me again. This time he's not coming back. Ever. So you can leave. Now."  
  
Frowning slightly Wesley weighed out the pros and cons of leaving. Eventually deciding he could leave the insane vampire alone for a little while he nodded and went to the door. Looking back he saw Spike colouring and it helped to confirm that he was in a better state than when Angel left him. Closing the door behind him, he locked it from the outside and went to talk to an obviously stressed and upset Angel.  
  
First he went to his boss' office and wasn't surprised to find it in the middle of being cleaned with no Angel present. Leaving again he went down the main staircase asking various lawyers if they knew of the vampire's presence.  
  
Finally locating Angel, he found him in the main entrance talking to someone. Getting closer he could see who it was. It was Buffy. The petite blonde was standing in front of her ex, hands on hips and a glare on her face.  
  
When he stood beside Angel, he smiled at the slayer, who also glared at him in a vicious manner. "Where is he?" she spoke with venom in her voice and looked ready to kill. "Xander said you turned up at his flat, he showed you where he was and next thing I know, he's vanished. Where is he?"  
  
Speaking defensively Angel tried to explain without yelling at the stubborn girl. "He's here with me. Safe. Xander told me that you didn't care that he was insane in a basement, and when I got there I could see it was true. Why do you care where he is? As long as he's not in Sunnydale bothering you it shouldn't matter where he is."  
  
"Nor should you." She replied, one hand in her jacket pocket holding something. "When he was in Sunnydale before, you hated him. So why now? Why change? Angel didn't want him and I think Angelus made it pretty clear that he didn't either."  
  
"Because he is my childe!" he yelled, managing to get the attention of everyone in the entrance. "He is mine Buffy and he has a soul. He was good before without reason and now he's equal to me. He just needs someone to help him. And that's what I am going to do. Whether you like it or not."  
  
Shocked at Angel outburst Buffy stood her ground. "You're right about one thing." She continued. "He's equal to you. And you're equally insane as he is. Nothing good can come of this Angel."  
  
"Leave." Angel was now speaking through clenched teeth, trying to control himself and not hit the slayer. "Now."  
  
"Not until I've seen him. I have a right to see him." The blonde replied, hand still on hip and other in pocket.  
  
"You have no right. Now get out and don't come back."  
  
"Angel." Wesley interrupted the verbal battle and took the vampire aside. "There's no use arguing over this. If you don't let her see him, what makes you think your security can take out the girl who has saved the world so many times? Even if they did then she would keep coming back. Just let her see him, then she will leave and you can curse her however much you like."  
  
Taking a deep breath Angel turned back to the slayer who had been trying to eavesdrop. "Fine. You can see him. But if you dare hurt him in any way I swear..."  
  
"Great." Buffy interrupted. "Take me to him."  
  
Growling slightly Angel began up the stairs with Buffy and Wesley following. Walking fast along the hallways, he tried to reach Wesley's office so he could get it over and done with and let Spike be. The last thing he needed was to be plagued with people.  
  
When they reached the door, Wesley got out his keys and unlocked it. He turned around to tell Buffy to let him tell Spike first, or to prepare her somehow. Before he could he was pushed out of the way and the slayer had entered the room. He and Angel followed quickly in case anything happened.  
  
Spike was lying on his stomach on the floor, paper and pencils laid out in front of him. Still doodling, he was oblivious to the fact that someone other than Wesley had entered the office. "Hey Spike." He looked up when Buffy spoke and sat up with crossed legs.  
  
"Hello." He offered politely, not really making the connection with whom this girl was. Collecting up his drawings, he put them into a neat pile and placed them on the floor behind him, careful not to let anyone see what was on them.  
  
"Spike? It's me Buffy. Remember? From Sunnydale, the hell mouth." When she got no recognition from the vampire she sighed and tried again. "The Slayer."  
  
"Oh." Spike kept his face emotionless. If he recognised who Buffy was he wasn't showing it. Angel was silently smiling from the doorway, watching his childe annoy his ex. It was plain that Buffy was getting annoyed with Spike's antics so she bent down and looked at him straight in the eye.  
  
"Look Spike. I'm your friend. I'm trying to help you but I can't if you're here. Angel isn't helping you is he? How about you come with me? If you let me I can make all of it go away." Resorting to talking as if Spike was a child, which he was mentally, Buffy managed to get him to reply to her.  
  
"Make it all go away? Even the voices?" Buffy nodded and Spike grinned at her. "I would like that."  
  
"She can't make it all go away Spike. She's lying to you so you'll leave. Don't listen to her..." Angel interrupted but stopped when he saw Spike finally notice him. The younger had shakily stood up and stumbled backwards, eyes filling with tears he backed away into the wall whimpering.  
  
"Please Liam." He whispered. "I didn't mean it. I'm sorry. Just don't...please don't..." Spike was now frantically looking for a way out, but the only way was through the doorway Angel was in. Finally giving in he let the tears fall down his face and slid sobbing to the floor.  
  
"Oh William." Angel sighed, he really didn't need Spike to cry in front of Buffy and make it look like he was beating him. "Hush now childe." Hoping it would work, he was angry when Buffy turned to him with a smirk plastered on her face.  
  
"Helping him huh? Doesn't look like it to me." Turning to Spike she went towards him and asked again. "I can make it all go away right now. Would you like that? William?"  
  
Wesley could only watch the agony on Angel's face as his only family agreed to leave him. Spike had nodded to Buffy and uncurled from his foetal position on the floor. However, he couldn't help but feel suspicious about the fact that she could make it go away 'right now'. How was she planning to do that?  
  
"Make it go away." Spike whispered. "Forever. Right now." she stood and pulled him to his feet, although he was leaning on the wall, as he was still weak. Buffy smiled.  
  
"I'm going to." She pulled her hand from her pocket and was holding a stake. Grinning, she pinned Spike to the wall by his neck and placed the stake to his chest. "Bye Spike. Have fun in hell."  
  
Spike looked at the piece of wood and furrowed his brow confused. He looked up when he heard a voice over Buffy's shoulder. "He won't." Angel growled and pulled the slayer back by her hair. Throwing her across the room he said the last part while looking at Spike. "Only bad boys go to hell." Spike looked into his sire's eyes and saw what he had been craving for the past week. Love. He smiled and touched his sire's face gently. Angel smiled back and went to touch Spike's face back to show he understood, but before he could he was yanked backwards by Buffy.  
  
Regaining his balance he placed himself between his childe and the slayer. Not wanting Spike to see him as Angelus, he kept to his human features and stood normally instead of in a ready position.  
  
Taking the opportunity Wesley went behind Angel and towards Spike. After checking the vampire over for any wounds from Buffy he tried to pull him away from the where the vampire and slayer were looking daggers at each other. But Spike was having none of it. He struggled and avoided Wesley's arms. Finally giving in Wesley stood in front of the insane vampire in case Buffy reclaimed her stake that Angel had knocked from her hand.  
  
Buffy was standing in a ready position, preparing herself for battle. "Come on Angel. I could have done you a favour. I could have done the world a favour. I just almost staked your childe. What're you going to do about it?"  
  
Still in front of his childe Angel glared at the little woman he thought he had loved. She had changed so much. But being dead and coming back from the dead does that to a person. He should know. Looking back at Spike, he knew that violence would just put him back in square one. Turning back, he spoke evenly to the blonde. "Get out. I don't ever want to see you back here again."  
  
"I don't think..."  
  
"Buffy. Please. What good will it do?" Angel turned his back and went to Spike who was watching the slayer with a questioning look in his eyes. "If he stays here he'll never bother you again. Just leave and let us be."  
  
Buffy lowered her arms and turned on her heel to the exit. Following her Wesley called over his shoulder that he'd come back later. So he could give the vampires some time together.  
  
Letting out a sigh of relief, Angel leaned back and watched as Spike wandered forward to where his pictures were still on the floor. Picking them up he shuffled them into a different order and straightened the ones that had been crushed. "Sire?" he kept his back to Angel when he spoke, as if not trusting that Angel would be there if he looked.  
  
"Yes childe?" Angel went forward until he was barely a foot away from Spike. He was still a bit anxious that Spike was too insane to understand what had happened.  
  
"Will the bad girl go to hell like the bad boys? And if the bad boys go to hell then where do the good boys like Liam and William go?" Angel couldn't stand it any more. Running forward he turned Spike round and hugged him tight. If Spike had needed to breathe he would have suffocated from his sire's grip. Angel held Spike tight and buried his face in his childe's hair. Smelling in Spike's scent he remembered ever detail of his son.  
  
The way he had let his hair grow out and the roots were showing. The way he still smelt of leather and cigarettes despite not having had either for a while. The way he could make Angel feel so many emotions at once. Kissing the hair beneath his chin lightly, Angel pulled away to look at his son's face. The scars were still there from when he had hurt himself and he had dark circles beneath his eyes. Using his thumbs he wiped away the fresh tears that had fallen down Spike's cheeks and wiped away the ones that had fallen from his own eyes.  
  
Sniffing slightly he smiled and released Spike from his arms, only to have Spike run back into them. Patiently he rubbed Spike's back and let him cry into his shoulder. Whispering into his ear Angel pulled him into his arms. One arm under the back of Spike's knees and the other under his arms, Angel gently lifted him from the floor easily and made his way to the door.  
  
"Sire?"  
  
"Yes my childe? My William."  
  
"If...if I go to sleep, will you be there when I wake up? B...because when you...you leave then things go wrong. I don't like being alone. Please don't leave me again. Th...things always go wrong. And I don't like it when that happens."  
  
Entering the still dark room that they both slept in, Angel went to the corner where Spike had made residence. "William my boy. I don't think I can be here all the time. I have to work and help other good people." Going to his knees Angel laid Spike onto the king size duvet he had found and placed the pillows around him like a nest. Checking that all of the walls were covered so Spike couldn't hurt himself in his sleep he continued. "I don't know if I'll be here when you wake up, but I'll try. If I'm not then just wait here, I'll come and check on you every half hour."  
  
"You promise? Do you sire?" Spike sighed as he rested his head down on one of the pillows. Curling up slightly he allowed Angel to cover him with the rest of the duvet. Head poking out from the covers he waited for an answer. "Sire?"  
  
"I promise William. I'll come and find you." Checking that Spike was comfortable he stayed on his knees, combing the soft hair of his childe with his fingers. "Now get some sleep, you've had a busy day." He waited until his childe had stopped breathing signifying his slumber before leaving. Closing the door quietly behind him he checked his watch and made a mental note of when to check on Spike.  
  
Making his way down the corridor he sighed and felt slightly better, knowing his childe was finally beginning to understand. He went to Wesley's office, hoping to catch the man and talk about the events that had happened and going to thank him for being so understanding.  
  
"Wesley?" he entered after knocking and was going to carry on when he saw the expression on the exwatcher's face. "What? What is it?" he looked around the room and saw Gunn, Fred and Lorne also looking at him. He frowned as he sniffed the air. Fear. What the hell? "Guys? What's wrong?"  
  
"These." Gunn lifted a piece of paper. Taking it from his friend Angel saw why there was so much fear. Scribbled down in a corner was a phrase or something that Angel couldn't make out. But the picture was what caught his attention.  
  
It looked as if a five year old had drawn it, but no five year old would have drawn this. Red dominated the picture and there was a shirtless man tied to the floor. Cuts decorated his body and his mouth was open, as if he was screaming. The red blood was in a puddle on the floor surrounding the man, and there were knives and sharp things that looked very dangerous scattered around the edge. The man tied to the floor had blue dashes down his face like tears and the hair was pure yellow in colour. The background was pure black with dashes peering out to gaze upon the tortured man.  
  
Angel couldn't speak. Although a vampire he somehow felt sick at this drawing. No child should be drawing things like this. "There's more." Fred whispered and handed him another sheet of paper. Unlike the other it hadn't been a plain piece before but an important document of Wesley's that had been found by the artist. Angel looked over the new sheet. Again the background was dark and there were red dashes everywhere, but that didn't bother him. The piece that got his attention was the figure standing there.  
  
In the centre of the paper was a man in a dark shirt. He had a smile on his face and a dagger in his hand. The man's eyes were merely slits, as if he was smirking at something. The hair was spiky and sticking straight up and there were lines on the forehead. At the man's sides were sky blue outlines of wings and above his head was a yellow circle. Putting both pictures next to each other he saw how they fitted. The dark haired man was looking over the crying blond one. However, looking up at his friends he couldn't say anything when he noticed the last detail. Both men had fangs.  
  
"Wesley? Did...who...why's it on your work?"  
  
"Spike. It was his work. When I left him here to draw he only had three sheets of paper. I can't find the other two plain sheets, but he must have used them if he moved onto my work." Wesley sighed and looked at Angel. "He may have the others with him. Why don't you go and check?"  
  
Nodding mutely, Angel went back down the hallway to his son. He had left the pictures behind, but couldn't get the images out of his head. Shaking himself before he entered Angel took a breath and went over to his son. Still asleep thankfully he pulled back the cover and began looking. Hidden in his balled up fist were the other pieces of paper. Gently prising them open Angel pocketed them before recovering his son. Thankful that Spike hadn't woken up Angel kissed his forehead and went back outside.  
  
Staring straight ahead he refused to look at the pictures in case he saw anything worse than the other two. Re-entering the office he sat straight down and handed the paper to Wesley. His colleagues looked worried at him. They really didn't need a brooding Angel right now.  
  
Fred immediately went and sat on the arm of the chair that Angel was in and took her friend's hand in hers. "Don't worry." She whispered. "It can't be that bad. It's only pictures. It doesn't mean anything. He'll be fine..."  
  
"Oh my God." Gunn's words didn't help to sooth Angel at all. Looking at Lorne and Wesley Angel flinched when he saw their faces. There was more fear apparent.  
  
"What is it? Guys? Show me."  
  
"Angel-cakes I don't think..." Lorne picked up a bottle of brandy that had been sitting idly on the side. "Maybe you should have some of this first." When the vampire shook his head Lorne just shrugged and poured himself a glass. "Suit yourself."  
  
"Let me see." "Angel, you need to remember that Spike's insane. He didn't know what he was drawing. Fred's right. It doesn't mean anything."  
  
"I said show Me." taking the crumpled pictures and flattening them out Angel could only gasp as he saw the images. On one the two men from before were there. Again the blond man had tears on his face and his mouth open in a scream. Standing behind the blond man was the other. Another grin on his face and his arms were wrapped around the blond's waist. There was blood on the blond man's neck and on the fangs of the dark haired man with wings and a halo. Scrawled along the bottom of the picture was some writing, but it was so untidy that he couldn't make it out.  
  
Putting the first picture behind the other, Angel looked at the next. This was by far the worst. In the far corner of the picture was the blond man again he was crying. The main image was the back of the dark man. In one of his hands was a whip and in the other was a knife. The blond one had more blood around him and writing was on the walls behind him. Again the dark haired man had a halo and wings, only this time the wings were red as if made from fire.  
  
The others were all looking at him expectantly. "I...I need to sit down." He managed.  
  
"Angel? You are sitting down man." Gunn pointed out.  
  
"Oh. Then I need to stand up." Getting to his feet and pacing round the office Angel ran his hands through his hair, ruining the spikes he had perfected that morning. "He hates me."  
  
"No. Angel. Spike doesn't hate you..."  
  
"He hates me. He really does. Don't you see? I'm the dark man. The halo, the wings, the fangs...it's an Angel. Angel. Me. He hates me. All he remembers is me hurting him. Oh god."  
  
Fred stood and grabbed the vampire by his arms stopping his constant pacing. "Angel listen to me. Spike's insane. Maybe it's not you. Maybe it's another vampire called Angel." Pause. "Okay so it's you, but that doesn't mean Spike hates you."  
  
"She's right muffin. For the past week you've been the only one he's gone to. Right?" seeing Angel shake his head Lorne tried again. "Right?"  
  
Wesley cleared his throat. "Erm...actually, today Spike got a bit upset at Angel and came to me for comfort. That was right before he drew these." He gestured at the scribbles. "This doesn't make sense. When he started drawing he seemed happy. Nothing was wrong really. I'm sure he was just confused."  
  
"On the plus side, he's forgiven you now hasn't he?" Gunn reasoned. "It was just when he thought you were mad at him. Everyone does it. We all say things we don't mean, and since Spike's insane I guess he just drew instead of speaking."  
  
"Gunn has a point."  
  
"Which hand did he use?" Angel asked. He took the pictures again and squinted at the writing on all of them. "Even insane he shouldn't be writing like this. He usually is very neat."  
  
"I erm..." thinking back Wesley didn't think he could remember. When do you notice what hand someone writes with? "He was holding it awkwardly. Not like a pencil at all really. Like he didn't know how to hold it correctly. But I think he used the correct hand."  
  
"Correct meaning his right?" when Wesley nodded Angel just smiled. "That's why it's so scruffy. Spike's left handed."  
  
"Let's go to the lab and we can look at the writing under a microscope. We might be able to work out what it says." Leading the way Fred took them to the lab and put the paper beneath her microscope. Looking at the first picture they had found she focused the lens and jotted down some notes. "I can't read it. It's just random letters. And a date...1885 I think."  
  
"What are the letters?"  
  
"Erm...O...c...t. oh it's short for October. Erm, it also says..."  
  
"October 23rd 1885. The first time he left the nest." Angel was facing away from the others and was trying not to let any emotion into his voice. "He was only five years old and wanted to learn how to hunt. Angelus took him. Taught him what to do. How to smell out his prey and scare them first. In the middle of his lesson he wandered off on his own for the first time since being turned. Angelus searched for hours, when he found him he was being held up by the police. Angelus killed them all and dragged William home only to beat the shit out of him and make him promise not to go out alone ever again."  
  
"That's what he drew. Angelus beating him, cutting him and making him learn." Angel nodded. "What about the others Fred?" Wesley continued.  
  
"Erm...A...p...r. April. 1880." she pointed to the one with Angel biting Spike.  
  
"April 8th 1880. The day I turned William from a poet to a killer." Angel sighed. "I don't think you need anymore details on that one. And the other?"  
  
"Erm...F...e...b. February 1895."  
  
"He tried to run away. After Angelus told him not to leave. Angelus chained him to the wall so he couldn't go."  
  
There was a moment's silence until Wesley spoke again. "Why did you say Angelus turned Spike? I thought you and said it was Drusilla."  
  
"That's what Angelus told everyone. William was his Sire's favoured. Angelus valued him above everything and anything. To keep him safe he told everyone that Will was Dru's childe so that they wouldn't try to hurt him as revenge on Angelus." Angel turned round and faced his friends. "I need to know why he's drawn these. Lorne I need you to read him for me."  
  
"Are you sure Angel-cakes? He's confused enough already. Are you sure you want me poking around in there? It might just make him worse." Sipping the drink he had brought down with him, Lorne tried to make the vampire reasonable.  
  
"I need to know. If we do it could help us help him. Please Lorne."  
  
"Alright. But I'm not promising anything. Trying to find a coherent thought in his head would be like trying to find a good song in a Blur concert." Following Angel to his room Lorne prepared himself.  
  
Angel opened the door and lead Lorne and the others in. they had followed, not wanting to be left in the dark. "William?" Angel whispered and went over to the still wrapped up bundle. Shaking him slightly Angel raised his voice. "William? Come on childe, you have to wake up." Pulling back the cover Angel sat by Spike and lifted him from the floor onto his lap. "Come on now. Up you get sleepyhead."  
  
Whimpering slightly Spike opened his eyes and gazed up at Angel. "Sire?" Rubbing his eyes Spike looked around the room and tried to back away into Angel. "Who are all the people sire?" he whispered. "Are they going to judge me?"  
  
"No William." Angel held his childe round the waist and stopped him from wriggling. "These are my friends. They're going to help you. This," he pointed to Lorne, "is Lorne. If you sing for us he can help make you better. He can help make it hurt less. Could you sing for us?"  
  
Spike simply shook his head and buried his face in his sire's shoulder. "I don't want to sing. I'm tired. I want to sleep some more."  
  
"You can when you've sung for us Will. Do you want me to sing as well? Come on." Pulling Spike's face from his shoulder, Angel began to sing 'Three blind mice'. Slowly Spike began to sing along, joining in at the end of each line. Eventually he was singing quietly along with Angel. Stopping suddenly Angel let Spike finish the last line on his own so Lorne could get a clear reading without his emotions interfering.  
  
"...Three blind mice." Spike finished and snuggled up to Angel again.  
  
"Good boy." Angel replied and helped Spike lay back down. Nodding to the others to leave he tucked Spike back in and stroked his hair until he was asleep again. Closing the door behind him he went to his office to find the others. Anxiously waiting to hear what Lorne had seen.  
  
"Lorne?" he asked. Seeing the demon surrounded by the others and with a drink in his hand he came and sat beside his friends. "What did you see?"  
  
"Listen to me Angel-cakes. That is one screwed up kid. Your little boy is confused, so confused that I had no idea what was dreams and what was reality. All I got was a blast of pain, fear, insecurity and a heck of a lot of you. You're all he seems to think about. There were good things to, but also bad. And all of them were associated with you." Knocking back another shot he grimaced as the liquid scalded his throat. "He's gone Angel. Your little boy is lost."  
  
Well Pepsi Max stop your whining. It's up here now. Happy now? Anyway, hope you enjoy this one and review if you want. I know the timelines are screwed up majorly but you can make up your own excuses, I just wanted Angel to be nice to insane Spike, let's be honest, he needs some love. If you want more then please give me some ideas. This was meant to be a one shot thing, but people want more and I need ideas please. Thank you very much for taking the time to read this. Luv, Higgy. 


	2. Caring

Care: Wesley.  
  
Over the past few days, Spike had become accustomed to the A.I. teams presence and was now lying quietly on the floor in front of Angel's desk surrounded by the others. Angel was sitting at his desk, surrounded by books and trying to research a new found demon while keeping an eye on his childe.  
  
Fred and Lorne were sat on the sofa with books and were frantically searching for any scrap of information. The demon was causing havoc in downtown L.A. and was feeding off the blood of males only, causing a lot of inexplicable deaths and gruesome rumours of a mass suicide. Although, how someone could rip out their own entrails, decorate their chest with a demon letter and brutally stab themselves with a foot long talon before throwing themselves into a dumpster was anyone's guess.  
  
Gunn was pacing and reading old volumes of some text which has some references to blood letting ceremonies. They were mostly all vampire traditions, but there were also some other demons ones as well. Hopefully the bloodletting of this particular demon would be found in there.  
  
Wesley was in a chair opposite the vampires, flicking through another book. The gang had been eating takeaway and researching for a while now, and nothing had been found. Wesley sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. All he was getting was a headache, which was not helping in the least.  
  
Spike was the only one who seemed undaunted, of course, that was probably because he was oblivious to what was going on, either that or he didn't care. He was on his stomach leaning on his elbows watching Gunn pace. He had been feeding better and was now not so angular as before. However, he was healing slowly and although the slashes on his arms from before had become nothing but small cuts now, they were still bothering him and so had to be kept covered in case he began scratching at them. Spike had been making great progress over the six days since the Buffy incident and was now making more sense, although it was admittedly a child's type of sense.  
  
He had become attached to Angel and was usually at his side or at least in the same room. The only time Angel was without the younger vampire was when he was in the shower or when Spike was in bed. Spike had taken on the annoying habit of waking up at roughly 5:00am every morning without any intention of going back to sleep. Angel had got used to the ritual now although he had been angry at first. Spike would sleep in his new bed in the corner of Angel's room and crawl into Angel's bed around dawn and lay there for about an hour before waking him up completely. However, the early mornings and active day now made Spike tire easily and so he would normally be in bed by 8:00pm every day. Which gave everyone some Spike free time. It wasn't like they disliked Spike. On the contrary, they all found their jobs more enjoyable with an insane vampire trying to help. It was just that sometimes, the constant need for attention would become less appealing and more annoying.  
  
"I got something." Gunn called from one side of the room and strode over to Angel's desk careful to step over Spike in the process. "The Kremblah demon." He pointed to a picture. "It feeds off the blood of human males and decorates its antlers with the entrails."  
  
"Ew." Fred supplied while looking at a vivid picture. "What does it use the entrails for? Why decorate your antlers?"  
  
"I hear entrails are in this summer." Angel didn't look as disgusted with the picture as everyone else. It didn't take a genius to work out why a 260- year-old vampire wasn't as disgusted with the insides of a human as the others were.  
  
"It uses it to attract a mate." Wesley read over Gunn's shoulder. "But the good news is, it only comes to populated areas to get the entrails, then it leaves again to its breeding grounds. So it should be out of L.A. soon."  
  
"What? That is not good news." Angel began.  
  
"Why? Surely if it's out of L.A. it's out of our hair. Therefore we don't need to kill it." Fred reasoned. She was reading the text over and was watching Angel closely. The vampire seemed to be reacting over nothing.  
  
"This is not good." Angel continued. "Demon breeding means demon babies. I don't exactly want to go all 'birds and bees' on you but when a mummy demon and a daddy demon love each other very much –"  
  
"Alright we get it." Gunn cut Angel off before he could continue and embarrass himself even more. "Demons have kids, kids grow up, kids come back and kill more people, and kids have more kids. It's a vicious spiral of blood, entrails and more kids."  
  
"Exactly. So we have to kill it before it gets out of town." Wesley clarified. "But I do not believe that Gunn and I are safe. It's only killing males. And Fred, no offence but you're not exactly a fighter, and Lorne –"  
  
"I am not going near that thing." Lorne finished for Wesley. He was holding a drink in his hand and was sipping at it occasionally. "Too dangerous for little old me I'm afraid."  
  
"So I'm going to kill it. Well them. If there's a decoration of the antlers, it's obviously a show of dominance, so there's going to be a lot of demons wandering about trying to look their best. And I have to kill them all." Angel stood up and took a sword from the wall behind him and unsheathed it. Feeling the weapons balance in his hands and testing its weight he swished it around a few times.  
  
Spike sat up on his knees and peered over the desk to where Angel was standing. Cocking an eyebrow slightly, he watched his Sire play with the sword. "You're going away again aren't you?" he asked quietly. All of them turned to face him as no one had noticed his movement.  
  
Angel sighed and sheathed the sword again. He walked over to where Spike was and crouched down to his level. "William. Yes I am going away again." He quickly carried on when Spike's face dropped and he began fidgeting with his bandages. "But only for a little bit. I'm going to be back later on tonight. You'll be in bed but I'll come and see you. I swear. Do you understand?"  
  
"You don't have to go. You could stay here." Spike tried to pick at his bandages again but was stopped when Angel's hands covered his and held onto his arms. Looking back into his Sire's face, Spike spoke quietly. "You could stay with me. It doesn't hurt so bad when you're here." He placed a hand over his heart. "And when I'm here." He placed the other on Angel's chest where his heart was meant to beat.  
  
"I know it helps. But I have to go save some other people." Angel continued. "William's a good boy, but Liam still has to prove that he is. And to do that, he had to go help other people. You understand that right?" When Spike nodded slowly Angel continued. "And I'll be back. But while I'm gone, Wesley's going to look after you. Okay?" Spike pulled back a bit and looked over at Wesley before turning back to his sire. "Will?"  
  
"I guess." Spike mumbled and leaned into Angel's chest breathing in deeply. "But as long as your back soon. Promise?"  
  
"I promise Will." Angel stood up and held Spike with him before turning to the others who were not fazed at all by their behaviour. Over the past days that Spike had been around they had become used to his actions towards Angel and they weren't bothered by much nowadays anyway.  
  
Spike nodded and waited while Angel pulled on his coat. The others all said their good lucks and farewells before leaving all except Wesley. He stood with the vampires and followed Angel to the lift when it opened, leaving Spike to sit in Angel's chair and chew on his shirt cuff.  
  
"Angel?" he queried and looked slightly nervous.  
  
"What is it Wes?" Angel sighed. "You can't stop me. I'm going to do this." The vampire entered the lift and hit the button to the underground car park.  
  
"I know that Angel. I was just wondering about Spike. Are you sure that you want to leave him with me? I mean I'll do it of course. Only, I don't want to let you down. What can I do to care for him?" The man was fidgeting and shifting his weight nervously.  
  
Angel smiled at the man's antics and prevented the lifts doors from closing. "I trust you Wes. I wouldn't leave Spike with you if I didn't. Just keep him occupied and make sure he's in bed by nine at the latest. He needs to be fed before he goes to sleep though. I'll be back soon so don't worry. Just keep an eye on him." The doors slid closed and Angel soon disappeared from sight, leaving Wesley and Spike alone.  
  
Wesley checked his watch. 6:32pm, only about two hours until Spike had to be fed and put to bed. He sighed; at least it wasn't like he was being left for a whole day. "Spike?" he looked over at the still chewing vampire. "I still have some work to do in my office. Would you like to come with me?" When Spike stood up Wesley took it as a yes and led the way down the hall.  
  
They entered the office and Wesley made himself comfortable in his chair behind the desk. Papers were littering the surface and there were assorted coloured pens everywhere. The laptop in front of him was humming slightly and awaiting Wesley to begin typing. Spike began singing quietly to himself while walking round looking at the bookshelves round the walls. He seemed happy for the moment so Wesley decided to get on with his work while the vampire was not doing any harm.  
  
It was five peaceful minutes until Lorne came in. He winced when he heard Spike but tried to ignore the images he got while talking to Wesley about something Fred had found out about something in the lab. He sighed midway through and turned to face the vampire who was still singing. "Spikeykins? Could you stop singing for a little bit? It's giving me a headache."  
  
Spike's face fell and he immediately stopped. Looking at the floor he scuffed his bare feet on the carpet and began picking at his bandaged arms. "I'm sorry." He mumbled. "Is my singing bad? William didn't mean to hurt you. Honest."  
  
"No Hunnybunch." Lorne sighed. "I'm sure you didn't. Your singing is great I just have a headache that's all." He continued his conversation with Wesley, grateful that Spike was no longer humming.  
  
Wesley was watching Spike out of the corner of his eye and was aware that Lorne had hurt the vampire's feelings. Spike was now sitting on the floor by the sofa with his back to the other occupants of the room. Wesley couldn't see what he was doing, but he could tell that he wasn't going to like it. Spike was mumbling to himself, and that only happened when he was doing something he shouldn't.  
  
He tried to be polite and ignore Spike until Lorne had finished, but the ripping of fabric and a quiet "Oops..." from the vampire's direction forced him to pay attention. Lorne was also looking concerned and had abandoned all hopes of telling Wesley of Fred's discovery. Whatever it was, it could wait.  
  
"Spike?" Wesley called, still not getting up from his chair. "What was that noise?" He waited and when it was obvious that Spike was not going to answer, he got up and made his way over to the vampire. Standing above Spike, he asked again.  
  
"Erm...I...er...it was a accident..." Spike was trembling slightly and wouldn't turn around to face the man. Wesley was getting impatient but tried to be calm. Lorne came over and stood by the man; ready to help fix whatever problem Spike had made for himself.  
  
"Spike?" Wesley crouched down by the vampire and placed a hand on his shoulder. "What was an accident?" he waited again and received no answer still. "Would you like to show me?"  
  
"You...you wont get mad? You swear? You wont get mad like Sire and hurt William?" Spike seemed upset and scared at what he had done or what Wesley would do to him and was shaking slightly.  
  
"Spikeykins? Come on. Be a good boy and show Wesley." Lorne interjected. "I'll sing for you later if you want. Just show Wesley what happened."  
  
Spike seemed to take the offer into account. He had found Lorne's singing soothing when he had sung to him after the nightmares. He shuddered and was not looking forward to going to bed without Angel, that's when they got worse. Slowly he turned around and showed Wesley his arms.  
  
Wesley sighed and took Spike by the shoulders. Helping the vampire up he steered him towards his chair, not caring how much blood dripped onto the carpet. Lorne went to get Fred who could check if any infections had entered the still open wounds, while Wesley got Spike to stay still.  
  
Spike sat silently and didn't raise his head from the blood dripping off his arms. Still mumbling to himself he didn't notice that Wesley had left in search of bandages until the laptop bleeped and Wesley didn't stop it. Eyes flicking to the hunk of microchips still bleeping, he looked around for Wesley to stop it. The tatters of bandages he had ripped off his arms were soaked in his blood, he ignored their feel against his skin and reached out to touch the keyboard.  
  
He was trying to be helpful. Maybe if he could make the bleeping stop then Wesley wouldn't be really mad and it would all be okay again. Cautiously, he reached out a finger and tapped on a key. There was a pause and he thought he'd fixed the problem, until it bleeped again. Frowning slightly, he hit another key and didn't notice the drop of blood that hit the keyboard. The laptop bleeped again. Biting his lip he hit three more keys and the laptop bleeped more insistently, gaining more blood on its keyboard.  
  
Seeing that simply hitting the keyboard wasn't going to make the laptop be quiet, Spike used an alternate method. He coughed slightly and began purring at the laptop, just like Angel would when he got upset about something. The screen changed colour to black and it looked like it was calming down slightly. Spike smiled and began petting the machine. The beeping was becoming quieter and a box had appeared on the screen. Spike hit another button and continued stroking the laptop when the box disappeared. Success.  
  
Wesley couldn't possibly be mad at him now. He had just stopped Wesley's toy from crying, now it was all black probably asleep. He mentally congratulated himself and frowned at the blood on his arms. Some of it had dripped onto the keyboard and now the laptop was asleep. Spike grinned, it was obviously just hungry and Wesley had forgotten to feed it. Lapping at the blood on his skin he let it trickle down his throat and sooth the rawness that had been grating on him. It was all very well having his Sire look after him, but Angel would only feed him when he had time and sometimes he was too busy to help Spike when he was really hungry.  
  
Spike looked up and grinned when Wesley entered the room again with more bandages. Licking another drop from his wrist he waited for Wesley to tell him what to do. Fred and Lorne had appeared in the doorway and Fred had a tube of something. Spike's smile faded, that stuff in the tube always hurt. Maybe they wouldn't use it? Maybe Wesley would be so pleased that he had helped, that he wouldn't let her near him with that...stuff.  
  
Wesley approached him as normal and pulled up a chair next to him. Spike didn't flinch or even pull back when Wesley took his arm. Obviously the vampire had begun to associate Wesley with healing. "Spike, I'm going to let Fred check these over. We need to make sure nothing nasty has got into your body. Understand?"  
  
Spike frowned and met the man's gaze. "But I was good." He began. "I was so good. I stayed here and didn't cry and I looked after your toy when it cried. I made it stop. Aren't I good?" Spike had pulled back a little when Fred came over, but Wesley had a good grip on the vampire's hands and wasn't letting him go.  
  
"Of course you're a good boy Spike." Wesley sighed and let Fred examine the open wounds for the third time that week. "We just need to make sure that nothing bad happens to you. If anything nasty gets in these cuts it'll hurt more than it already does. Understand?" he watched the vampire nod before going over what Spike had said. "What toy?"  
  
Spike was distracted from Fred enough to miss the stinging from the cream and look into the man's confused eyes. "The bleeping toy silly." He rolled his eyes and waited for Wesley to congratulate him. Nothing. "The bleeping one? It was crying so I fed it and it stopped crying and went to sleep."  
  
"Spike I..."  
  
"Oh...erm, Wes I think Spike was referring to the laptop." Fred nodded to the machine, it was making no noise and everything was blank. Wesley made no noise, but only stayed silent and continued patching up the vampire's arms.  
  
When Spike was all patched up Wesley finally spoke. "Spike, you will sit and draw until eight o'clock, then I will take you to your room, you shall have dinner than go to bed. You do not touch anything else except for the pencils and paper I give you. Is that understood?" He waited for the vampire to answer but was surprised when Spike didn't even look daunted by the man's words. It seemed as if he was waiting for something. "Answer me Spike."  
  
Spike simply frowned. "Aren't you going to thank me? I stopped the toy from crying."  
  
okay, finally. Thank you for being so patient guys and part 3 is in the making!!! Make sure that you give me ideas in you reviews please, I need some ideas for Spike. thank you again. Higgy.xxx 


	3. Careful

Careful  
  
Spike sniffed and rolled over again trying to get comfy in his new bed. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop Wesley's words spinning round his head. He growled and closed his eyes again. Even the voices weren't this annoying. They gave him a break and went quiet sometimes, but Wesley wouldn't stop.  
  
The man was two whole rooms away, yet Spike could still hear him. He was talking to Gunn and seemed pretty mad. There was pacing and stomping and a lot of bad words that the voices also called him. There had been no thanks or even a smile after he had fixed the bleeping toy. Wesley had just frowned and told him to behave. Behave how? He had been so good and no one even noticed. He missed Angel.  
  
Angel would never say words like that about him. He would tell him that he was his boy and his baby. Angel would never say what Wesley was. Angel was his Sire. His protector. His creator. His God. And he had abandoned him again. Left him with these humans who were rude and mean and nasty. Maybe this was punishment. Maybe the voices had told Angel what he had done! Maybe Angel new that William was a bad rude man...  
  
No. Spike shook his head and buried it in the pillow again. Angel would never ever listen to the voices. He had made sure that he didn't, so why would Angel listen after making sure that he didn't? It didn't make sense. If it didn't make sense then it wasn't true. He sighed and rolled over again. He was thinking too loud. Stupid thoughts.  
  
He rolled over again and yelped when the covers wrapped round him and he found himself on the floor. Great now his head hurt. Stupid floor. He hit it and leant back against his bed, sitting on the floor he looked over at the main double bed in the centre of the room. Just where was Angel anyway?  
  
"What is going on in here Spike?" Wesley burst in. He looked tired and held a book in one hand and his forehead in the other. "Why are you banging about so much? And what are you doing on the floor? You should be asleep." See? That was the voice that Angel would never use. Angel had a nice voice. Wesley had a mad voice.  
  
"I fell out of bed." The vampire whispered, not wanting to get into any more trouble. He had been lucky to be fed earlier. Wesley was not happy with him at all and he'd only been trying to help.  
  
Wesley sighed and closed his eyes. "Are you hurt?" the vampire shook his head. "Well get back into bed then and go to sleep. Please Spike? It's nine o'clock and I need to do this research."  
  
"Is Angel home yet?" Spike whispered still from the floor and making no attempt to get back into bed. "I miss him. I really want to see him. Please Wes?"  
  
"Spike." Wesley sighed again. "Angel isn't home yet. As soon as he gets in I'm sure he'll come see you. Please go to sleep. Goodnight." And he left. Again! Was he not aware that Spike couldn't possibly sleep now?  
  
Angel wasn't home. He'd never been gone this long before. Why was he not here? He was always here when Spike went to sleep and he was always there when Spike woke up. Spike needed that. He needed someone to be there. Watch him. Make sure the shadows didn't capture him and make him cry and scream before letting him go and laughing. Angel needed to be there and keep away the voices and the shadows.  
  
Even if Angel wasn't here, surely Wesley could do it? Maybe not as well as the other vampire, but it was better than being alone. He jumped as the door was caught in the breeze and slammed shut. Whimpering slightly, he drew the covers round himself as he crawled back into his bed. What was he going to do? There was no one here to protect him.  
  
He curled up in a ball and began rocking slightly, trying to stay away from the edges of his mind where the voices liked to play. "Stupid voices." He mumbled and wriggled his head further in the covers letting a few tears fall. He shuddered as a growly voice whispered back in his ear what a bad boy he was. Breathing deeply now he tried to ignore it. Nothing good could come from the voices. He caught a scent in the shirt he was wearing, Angel. The voice shrank back and couldn't answer. He breathed deeper and pulled his head and bandaged arms inside the tee shirt, surrounding himself with Angel's scent. Protecting himself from the voices and shadows.  
  
This was good this was okay. There were no voices if he stayed here. If he stayed here and closed his eyes and imagined really hard, it almost felt like Angel was here, wrapping his arms around him and shaking him. Oh God! He wasn't imaging it. It was real. There was someone else here and they didn't smell of Angel. This was so wrong. Usually there were only voices and shadows but they couldn't touch him. Now they were. Oh God.  
  
He shuddered and tears now fell freely from his eyes as he felt the thing pull of the duvet. It was getting closer. He screwed his eyes up tighter and tried to imagine Angel there. Angel bursting through the door. Angel growling at the thing and making it cry and stop from trying to take the covers. Angel refusing to let the thing throw the covers aside. Angel making sure that this thing didn't carry on trying to get him out of the shirt. "Angel." He whispered frantically. Hoping that someone would hear and send him. "Angel. Angel. Angel Angel Angel. AngelAngelAngel." He cut off into a scream when the thing pulled off his only protection. The shirt.  
  
"What the bloody hell is going on in here?" Wesley yelled as he swung open the door to Angel bedroom. Gunn was sitting on Spike's bed holding the vampire's arms and trying to talk to him while he bawled his head off like a scared child. "Gunn?" he yelled over the vampire's cries.  
  
"I don't know man!" He called back hushing Spike between answers. "I came to check on him like you said and he was all hidden and shaking. He was crying for Angel. So I went to see if everything was alright and he just started bawling." The man was still holding Spike as he trembled and tried to get away from Gunn's strong grip.  
  
"Let him go." Wesley watched as Spike immediately ran into the corner of the bed and began shaking while trying to create as small a target as possible. "What exactly was he doing when you got here?"  
  
"He was wrapped in the covers and shaking while mumbling Angel's name." Gunn came to stand by the other man, clearly wanting to be as far away from the vampire as possible. "So I wondered if he was alright. You know, not hurting himself again or nothing. So I pulled off the covers and he was hidden inside the shirt so I pulled that off as well and he just started screaming." Gunn watched as Wesley went forward. "Wes? Don't be stupid, he could turn on you."  
  
"Gunn I seriously doubt he is in any state to be left alone." Wesley held out a hand and placed it on Spike's shoulder, watching as the vampire flinched and tried to back into the corner more. "Spike? It's okay. It's just me. It's Wesley. You remember me don't you?"  
  
Spike didn't lift his head but mumbled his answer nonetheless. "Course I do. You wouldn't say thank you when William was good. Then you left William all alone to deal with the voices and shadows and they got me. They got me!" Wesley stepped back at the yell but came closer to the vampire when he began shaking and crying again.  
  
"Spike, it's okay. There are no more voices anymore. Or shadows. Come on. Let's get you to sleep." He picked up the duvet from the floor and waited for Spike to lie down. When he didn't Wesley put the duvet back down and sat on the edge of the bed, Gunn watching from the doorway. "Why don't you want to sleep Spike? What are you so afraid of? There are no more voices or shadows." He nodded to the table lamp Gunn had turned on earlier. "See?"  
  
Spike shivered and folded his arms across his bare chest. "I want...I want...want..." he sniffed and relaxed a little Wesley was glad to see. "Want Angel. Please? Please Wes? Want Angel. He watches me. Looks after me."  
  
"Spike, I can't make Angel come home. He will be back soon, I swear. He said so didn't he? Now why don't you go to sleep and I'll watch you? Make sure the shadows and voices stay away. You want that?"  
  
"Won't work. Need Angel. He's strong enough." He shivered again and Wesley went to take the shirt from Gunn, Spike watching his every move while he held the material. Coming back over he held the shirt ready for Spike to come over. When he did, Wesley pulled it gently over his head and helped him put his arms through.  
  
"I think we can fix that." The man sighed and took Spike's hand.  
  
Wesley sat with a book on his lap and others on the table next to him. Watching the vampire breathe even when it wasn't necessary was amusing. He shook himself out of his trance and went back to researching. "Thank you Spike." was all he whispered before becoming silent and letting the vampire sleep.  
  
Spike sighed and rolled over in Angel's king size bed, allowing himself to drown in the scent of his Sire, home, safety and love.  
  
Red. Red dashes in the darkness trying to tell everyone all the secrets they held. Little dashes that made numbers and beeped when Angel pressed buttons. His Sire could control anything. The red dashes spelled out something, 14:46. Spike had no idea what that meant. Maybe he'd ask Angel when he woke up. Angel could be grumpy though, especially when he first woke up.  
  
Spike rolled over and reached out an arm. Air. Nothing. Where was Angel? He was here a second ago, he was! Where did he go? Spike sat up and whispered his Sire's name. There was a snort from beside the bed and he quickly shuffled away from it, peering into the semi darkness. Wesley.  
  
Wesley? Why was he here? Angel had told him to go away when he got home. Hadn't he? The man snorted again and wriggled slightly in his sleep. Spike froze and waited for him to settle down again. Wesley was mad when he was tired, he didn't want to find out what he was like when he was woken up. Spike sighed when the man was silent and he edged to the opposite side of the bed, the side nearest the door.  
  
He needed to find Angel. His Sire had been right here. Where did he go? How was he meant to be safe from the voices and shadows when Angel wasn't here? Sighing slightly he gently lowered himself onto the floor and checked on Wesley. Watching for any signs of consciousness, he was glad when he saw none. He waved to his sleeping guardian and silently made his way out of the door, careful to leave it open and not make any more noise. Plus, if the shadows got too much he could get back in quicker.  
  
Spike crept his way along the hallways to Angel's office. Maybe Angel had gone to do some work? The older vampire always did like to be in control. Just like the voices. He shuddered, turning round in a complete circle to check every speck of the hallway. He shouldn't think of the voices, it only made them worse. Carrying on, slightly slower than before he peered into the office and gulped. It was dark.  
  
Really really really dark. There were shadows everywhere. They engulfed everything. Why did they do this? He swallowed nervously and checked behind him again. Nothing. Taking a deep calming breath, he turned to the room and dared to ask. "A...Angel?" he said, barely more than a whisper. "Are you here?" No answer. "Angelus? Angel? Sire?" He tried everything he knew he would call Angel. Everything. No answer. Where was he?  
  
He bit his lip and turned back to the darkness of the hall. Bracing himself against the doorway, he shut his eyes and took a deep breath. This was the stupidest plan he'd ever had, but he needed to know. Consequences be damned, he needed this. He screwed up his eyes tightly and prepared himself. "DADDY?!" Spike yelled as loud as he could. He paused and listened. Nothing. Nothing at all. He opened his eyes and let out a small whine. Angel wasn't there. There was nothing.  
  
Nothing but footsteps. Not Angel's though. Angel had neat steps. Tap tap tap tap. Always a rhythm, no matter what pace. There was no pattern to these. They were erratic and fast and getting louder. He waited. If it was the shadows he should just give up now. No struggling, they always won. Bloody shadows. He bit his lip when Wesley came round the corner with a mad face. Uh oh...  
  
"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing Spike?" He was in trouble again. Well damn him all over again if he was going to go quietly. Wesley came closer and grabbed at his arms, checking the bandages for rips and new blood no doubt. Spike sighed. He was insane, not stupid. Why try the same trick in the same day? Wesley was the stupid one.  
  
Spike pulled his arms away and frowned at the man. Moving towards the other side of the office floor he hissed and turned away, looking out of the windows to the streets below. So pretty. Angel had to be down there somewhere. "Spike? Answer me God Dammit!" Wesley was at it again. Spike frowned at him before turning his attention back to the flashes of light below.  
  
"You lied to me." he spoke evenly and didn't turn to face the man. Tracing shapes of the lights below he listened to Wesley's silence. Finally.  
  
"What?" it was quieter this time. Like he felt he was wrong or something. Spike chuckled. Did Wesley honestly think that Spike could have a point? Spike never had a point. No point to existence or anything else around here.  
  
"You lied to me." Spike repeated, slower as if he was explaining it to a child. "You swore Angel would be back soon. Well soon has been and gone and there's no Sire here. Is there?" Spike opened his arms wide to indicate the darkness beside them both. "Nothing."  
  
Wesley sighed and came close again. Spike tried not to flinch and pressed himself against the windows. "Spike? I know Angel is not here. But I'm sure he's fine and on his way home to see you right now." Wesley gently reached out to Spike and waited for the vampire to calm down. "Please Spike? You need to go to bed and get some sleep. So you'll be ready for when Angel gets home."  
  
"Angel?"  
  
"Yes Angel. Now let's..." Wesley stopped to let his eyes adjust to the sudden glare of lights. He turned and saw the figure leaning in the doorframe clutching his side. Angel was hurt.  
  
Okay if my parents ask, I was NOT writing fics, I WAS doing revision and I was defiantly NOT online. Okay? Good.  
  
I didn't like how short this chapter was when I first put it up so I made it longer. Hope you like it and I'll thank you all a thousand times over for all the reviews I got last time! I did not believe how many people have read this fic! Thank you all for your good luck wishes on my exams. (Not going so well at the moment, I seem to always be distracted by fic ideas and have no paper to write them on. Argh!) Also thank you all for telling me who has accepted my challenge I look forward to reviewing them all.  
  
If you have any little ideas for this fic, small things that Spike could do or say, please do tell because although I have a main plot, it is hard to fill in the little details.  
  
Luv you all loads. Higgy. xxx 


	4. Careless

CAUTION! PLEASE CHECK THAT YOU HAVE READ THE ADDED PART TO CHAPTER 3, OR THIS WILL MAKE NO SENSE...actually it will...just a lot less than it should.  
  
Careless.  
  
Wesley gasped at the amount of blood on Angel. The vampire's torso and stomach seemed to be a mass of red streaks and bloody clothing. Lines of abuse to the skin were showing from beneath the ripped shirt and Angel was grasping at the major gash on his stomach. Blood leaked from the wound, balled into a drip and slowly trickled down and dripped onto the carpet below, creating a lake of life fluid on the floor.  
  
Angel was wheezing slightly and leaning heavily on the doorway. The older vampire began to fall forward until Wesley ran towards him and helped him get upright again. Angel merely clutched his wound again and made a gesture. Wesley understood immediately and helped Angel into the chair. The vampire groaned as he was lowered and the grimace was visible when some blood dripped onto the beloved chair. Wesley rolled his eyes; Angel always was a tidy git.  
  
"Angel stay here. You keep applying pressure and I'll get the medical kit." The British man hurried from the room urgently to help his friend and boss. Angel merely winced as more pain was felt.  
  
"Not going anywhere." Angel sighed slowly at the mess he was making; it was almost as bad as the time Spike had...Spike! His childe was still watching him from the wall of windows and he hadn't moved since Angel had staggered his way up here. Spike was tracing patterns on the floor with his bare toes and was watching the floor intently, as if afraid of making eye contact with his Sire. "Hey." Angel whispered, which was all he could really do without making more mess, which he really didn't want to do.  
  
Angel grimaced at the sound of his own voice. It was weak, tired, used and dull. He used to be so much more than this. Angelus' voice used to bring fear into the hearts of those who heard it. The room would vibrate with power every time Angelus spoke; there was an air of decency, respect and lordship in Angelus' voice. Oh yeah, Angelus was a natural born controller. If you went through history and traced back every person whom Angelus had spoken to, not one would have answered him back or disobeyed him. No one but Spike.  
  
That cocky little brat who had tagged along behind Angelus on every hunt wanting to learn all of the stealth of hunting before throwing it back in his sire's face before running head on into a battle. William had been a smart boy. He had listened and obeyed without any question, it was when he became Spike that things had changed. Spike never cared for the ways of the old ones or the lores that vampires had run by for centuries. Spike was an obnoxious little twit who was lucky not to have been staked by his own sire.  
  
Angel sighed he was stuck with William.  
  
"William." Angel sighed when Spike looked into his eyes. His boy was shaking and didn't look happy at the situation he was in. Tears were evident in his eyes and Spike looked like he was about to burst into sobs if he didn't get told what was going on soon. "William, come here my boy. Come to me childe." Angel whispered and was not surprised when Spike ran forward and tried to clamber into his Sire's lap.  
  
"Easy. Easy Will." Angel hissed as Spike accidentally hit the wound on his stomach and Spike immediately backed away from him. Spike was shaking again and he looked lost. His boy looked so innocent and scared. Holding out his hand, Angel spoke gently and tried to calm his boy. "It's okay Will. Liam got a little bit hurt but he's okay. I just need to rest for a bit." Spike continued to shake and stay away from Angel. Angel put his hand back down and watched as Wesley came back in and set down the medical kit.  
  
"Now Angel, I'm going to clean you up and get you to bed so you can heal. Stay still while I disinfect it." Wesley poured out some colourless liquid onto and cloth and held it slightly away from the wound. Angel closed his eyes and prepared for what was to come. He'd had many wounds during his time, and it always seemed to hurt more when you were cleaning the wound than when you actually gained it in the first place. Life was stupid that way. "On three. One..." Angel hissed as Wesley pushed the cloth onto the wound.  
  
Holy mother of god did that hurt! It wasn't just the normal stinging sensation that most antiseptics caused this one was burning. Maybe Wes had picked up the wrong bottle in the lab? Angel hissed again when it moved onto the main gash and he was pretty sure they'd have to pry his fingernails out of the armrest of his chair. The pain was incredible. Maybe he had been too happy lately and this was the powers way of telling him to back down? Whatever it was it bloody hurt!  
  
Suddenly the pain lowered immensely and there was only the residue of the sting remaining. Angel released his fingers and opened one eye warily. Wesley was not kneeling by the chair as before, but was sprawled on the floor nearby. Angel blinked a few times before he understood what had happened. "Spike?" He whispered and turned to face his childe.  
  
Hand to his mouth in horror and eyes wide with fear Spike was backed against the wall of windows. He was shaking more than before and Angel was sure he was crying as well. "Spike?" The younger vampire merely shook his head and held his head in his hands shaking more violently and now sobbing out loud. Angel took a deep breath and turned away from Spike for the minute. He was in no fit state to deal with Spike and his wounds at the moment so the wounds would have to come first before he could help Spike.  
  
Wesley lifted his head and blinked a few times before realising what had happened. The last thing he had seen was a fist, then black and now the floor. He groaned and picked himself up shaking his head to clear the fogginess that was there. "Wes?" He turned when he heard his name and saw Angel still bleeding in the chair. He groaned again when he saw the trembling mass by the wall that was Spike. He sighed and brushed himself off. Spike could wait; Angel needed to be tended to first.  
  
The man picked up the cloth and washed it in the basin of warm water before dampening it with antiseptic again and moving towards Angel's still open wound. The vampire hissed again when Wesley lowered the cloth and Wes was sure to quickly soak every part of the wound before Spike got upset again and decided against it. But for now, the vampire was silently shaking on the other side of the room. It might not have been the best solution, but Spike was out of the way and not in any danger. For the moment.  
  
Angel had his eyes closed and his grip on the armrests had lowered slightly when Wesley began wrapping the wounds. Two layers of white bandages were put on and tightened so that they couldn't become unwrapped during the night. After checking and double-checking that Angel was fully bandaged, Wesley helped him to stand. "What are we going to do about Spike?" Wesley asked as he helped Angel hobble to his personal suite.  
  
Angel sighed and winced as Wesley helped him to sit on the edge of his bed. He honestly didn't know. How do you help someone who just hit the one person able to go to them? "Go and bring him here and I'll deal with him. If he doesn't want to be touched or refuses to listen then leave him there and go. I'll make sure he's okay." The vampire sighed when Wesley left. He gently lay back on his bed and tried to keep all pressure off of his wound in case it began to bleed again.  
  
Wesley left Angel to rest while he went to find Spike. The younger vampire was not fitting in well and Wesley was beginning to wonder if Spike would ever be able to remember his original state of mind. If he didn't then it would probably be easier and kinder to put Spike out of his misery.  
  
###########  
  
Spike shuddered as his arms were pulled away from his head. It was Wesley. He sniffed back more tears and prepared himself for what was to come. Wesley had been hurting his Sire. Angel had been in distress and he had tried to help him. But when he had hit Wesley it just seemed to make things worse. Angel had sighed that sigh again, like he always did. That sigh meant that he was getting mad. Spike gulped. Wesley didn't look too happy either, and he guessed it was because of the bruise forming over his left eye.  
  
He had only done what his Sire would have done. If Wesley had been making him scream Angel would have hit him and told him he was bad. So why was it so wrong for him to stop Wesley? Everything was backwards. The voices were talking again and telling him what a bad rude man he was and Wesley was saying something too. Something to him...but they weren't bad words. Why not? William had been bad and he had to be punished. Didn't he?  
  
He didn't understand what was going on. All he knew was that he wasn't getting yelled at and that it felt good. Wesley was washing his face so there were no more tears evident and it felt good that the man wasn't yelling. Maybe Wesley wasn't mad? Spike slowly looked at the man and was met with a smile. Not the usual smile that Wesley gave him, but a real smile. One that reached the man's eyes. Spike decided he liked that smile. He'd have to try and see it more often.  
  
"There we go Spike. All clean. Now let's get you to bed." Spike sighed and let Wesley pull him up. It felt good to be spoken to like this. Nice. Nice. Nice. He grinned and let Wesley lead him to his bedroom with Angel. The scent of Sire was strong and he felt safer in this room. Maybe Wesley would stay as well?  
  
Angel was lying on his bed when they arrived and he smiled when Spike bounded into the room followed by Wes. Clearly the man had been able to calm him down and Spike didn't seem too fazed by everything. Angel watched as Wesley helped Spike back into his bed and tucked him in like a child. It was a weird sight and he felt silly for being happy to see it. Angel nodded to the man and was glad when Wesley nodded back and took an extra duvet to go and sleep on the sofa in case Angel needed help during the night or Spike decided to wake up.  
  
Angel drifted off to the sounds of Wesley's snores and Spike mutterings.  
  
########  
  
There was a tickling sensation around the area of his wound. Angel wriggled slightly to try and dislodge the discomfort with his eyes closed. When it didn't work he brushed his hand down to try and ease away some of the bandaging.  
  
His eyes shot open when he felt a hand push his away. Lifting the covers and peering down he was surprised to find Spike blinking up at him.  
  
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Hee hee. Okay, here is chapter four. I know it took forever but my sister got married and the house has been chaos! Please do give me more ideas for this as my plan had been changed again and now I have no plot for this fic! Please give me loads! I really need help or this fic will go in the scrap! Thank you to all my reviewers and I shall try and get the next chapter up sooner than this one was. Thank you all for being so patient. Luv A very tired Higgy xxx 


	5. Carefree

Carefree.  
  
Spike grinned up at his Sire and licked his lips. Nothing wrong with helping was there? He was helping and being so good now that Angel was home. Angel was home for real and he had to make sure in case he went away like before. He was never leaving Angel again. If he was really really really good then Angel would never leave and he could be happy forever. Him and his Sire together again like before. Except this time they would help people and not eat them.  
  
Angel was watching him with a confused look on his face. God knows why, he was being good. Sniffing the wound on his Sire's stomach he winced at the smell of pain and healing. He'd never liked the smell. Hence why he'd always tried to stay healthy and unwounded. Angel sighed and muttered something about the fact that Spike shouldn't be in that position. Spike frowned. What was wrong with him being between his Sire's legs? He was only going to clean him.  
  
Smiling up at Angel he tried to explain himself before his Sire got mad. "I'm going to care for you Sire. Make you all better. Don't you worry." Angel sighed again so Spike waited for his answer. He was being so good.  
  
"Spike. Stop it. Come out from there and go to sleep. You shouldn't be awake should you? You need to rest and so do I." Angel flinched when Spike lent a little too far up and caught a sensitive area. "Gentle!" he hissed and was surprised when his childe shook his head and placed a hand on either side of his hips. "Er...Spike?"  
  
The insane vampire smiled again and nuzzled the still warm flesh from feeding. The stomach muscles beneath his face flexed and tensed at the feel and he chuckled slightly. Angel was ready for pain not comfort. Spike gently pulled at the bandages with his fangs and ripped them off. Angel gasped and grabbed his head only to pull it away from his wounds.  
  
"Spike! No!" the older vampire hissed and tugged at the short wavy locks of his childe. He did not need to deal with this right now. He was too hurt to stop Spike if he really wanted to hurt him. He'd been feeding well so now he was nearly back up to full strength and the humans were finding it hard to control him all the time. Angel just hoped that if he used his sire voice it would deter his boy from harming him.  
  
Spike pulled back from his sire's commanding hands and grabbed them in his own, only to pin them to the bed at his sire's hips. "No. Gonna fix you right up." He smiled down at Angel and lent back down to his wound. The dark haired vampire tried to kick off the blond but soon his legs were also pinned beneath the weight. Angel closed his eyes and waited for the pain to take him. He hoped that Wesley could hear this.  
  
He waited and waited for the pain to start and was shocked when he felt none at all. Of course there was the constant sting that he always had after a large wound, but there was no jabbing pains in his abdomen. Slitting his eyes open slightly he watched as Spike dipped his head and again and lapped the dried blood from the mark. Angel blinked and looked again. Sure enough Spike was licking at the tender spots and avoiding where it hurt most. Defiantly not what he'd expected.  
  
"Erm...Spike?" He waited for his childe to at least look up. When he didn't Angel shifted his weight slightly to get his attention. "What are you doing?" Spike grinned and some blood dripped form his lips onto the covers beneath them. Angel waited for an answer and watched as Spike looked between his face and the wound before settling on the wound.  
  
"Have ta look after you. If I don't then who will? Then who'll look after me?" Spike released one of Angel's hands and knelt back to trace a small circle round the slash mark. "Need to move. Get more good things." Without a pause Spike was to his feet and walking into the bathroom. Before Angel could wonder what had happened to make Spike feel so caring he was back with more bandages and a damp flannel.  
  
Climbing back onto the bed and seating himself in between Angel's legs, Spike lent forward and dabbed lightly at the wound. Angel winced slightly as a piece of loose skin was moved, but overall Spike was very gentle and very soon he was arching up to let Spike wrap around the bandages. Spike smiled as he fixed them in place and lent over to place a gentle kiss on top. "And a kiss to make it better." He smiled remembering what his mother had told him so long ago. Angel was lying back and purring in comfort.  
  
Spike grinned and flopped onto the bed next to him before curling on his side to nestle next to his sire. Angel smiled and reached over to ruffle his hair. "Thank you for looking after me Spike." Spike patted Angel's chest and fell into the land of dreams knowing his sire was safe.  
  
###########  
  
Three days had passed since the demon incident and Spike had made a drastic change in his behaviour. Instead of only being intrigued in what Angel or his friends were doing, Spike was more inquisitive as to what was happening elsewhere. He was generally more alert and much healthier than before. Spike was back to his normal weight and he spent time walking round Wolfram and Hart (with people watching out for him of course) and finding things to do.  
  
However, his sanity and speech had barely improved and sometimes Angel had to be called to find out what the other vampire was trying to say. Spike had already decided that the High containment area was full of fun and laughs. He liked to babble to the inmates and they'd babble back. Some were more insane then Spike and others were quite sane, just dangerous.  
  
The only person that Spike was kept far far away from was a murderer by the name of Pavayne. Spike did mind entirely. He told Angel that Pavayne was a cheater and was playing bad games with the devil. Of course, Angel just nodded and let Spike get back to his conversation with the bra knar demon that had tried to eviscerate half of the world.  
  
Spike was kept under surveillance by cameras and six security guards that were now used to the vampire's presence. Angel was weary of leaving Spike alone with the murders but he was convinced that it did Spike good to talk to other people by the A.I. team. Fred was on Spike watch today and she was sitting with some work to do at one end of the corridor whilst Spike bounced happily up and down the aisle.  
  
The assorted demons and humans were watching the vampire and some were even nodding their heads in greeting. Spike waved to a few and sidestepped some others before he found someone he wanted to talk to. A young girl was sitting in one corner of her cell with her back to the entrance. Walking slowly towards the bars Spike was careful not to startle the girl. She was so small. What was she doing in here?  
  
Spike held two bars in his hands and felt the rough surface of rust scratch across his palms. This was old. Very old. But the girl in there was only about ten. How could she be in here? "Hello?" he whispered cautiously. Sire always said to him to be careful. Every morning he said it and every morning Spike listened. Had to be careful.  
  
The girl turned and her black hair swished to the side to reveal her eyes. They were different. One was red and the other was normal brown colour. Spike watched as she stood from her position and sauntered over to the front of the cell. As with all the inmates, she had to stop about a metre away from the entrance or she'd be shocked by 10,000 volts of electricity. Spike watched when she cocked her head to the side and grinned manically showing pointed teeth.  
  
"What are you doing here vampire? Where do you originate from?" the voice didn't suit her. The ten years olds voice sounded animated and too...human for her. This wasn't right...Spike took a step back and sat away from the bars before answering.  
  
"From London. 'S where Sire found me and bit me. Made me like him. Yup. Yes he did." The girl nodded and turned in a full circle before copying Spike's position on the floor. She smiled again and Spike shivered at the cold look she gave him. Something was wrong here. He smiled shakily at the girl and she laughed at him.  
  
"Don't be afraid weakling. Missy wont hurt you. Just everything else that doesn't understand. You're different. You're in my world." The girl's dark hair swished again as she shook her head and gnashed her fangs together. Spike stood and backed away again slightly. This girl was going on the bad list. She smelt of death even if she had been here a while.  
  
The beeper on Fred's watch went off to signal Spike's time up. He had to go back to the office for a while and be fed. Spike sighed in relief and stood up, as did the girl. "I...I havta go now. Sire says I have to go eat. Blood. 'S nice. But you know that don't you." The girl nodded and her clawed hand flashed as she tried to go against the electric force field. Spike was gone before she'd even lifted a finger.  
  
Running up to Fred and taking her hand he let her take him away from the scary girl. Missy or whatever her name was called after him. "You go now William. Fly fly!" Spike wished he could. Just so he could get away faster. Fred squeezed his hand slightly and he let the girl fade from his mind. Sire and friends would make it better. They always did.  
  
##########  
  
Spike sipped his blood with shaking hands as Fred patted his knee. He was scared out of his mind. Sire and Wesley were talking about him and he didn't know why. Sire was angry, Wes was mad, Gunn was trying to keep them calm and Fred was keeping him calm. Who or what the hell was Healing House?  
  
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Well what the hell is healing house? You'll find out in the next chapter. I'm so sorry this had taken forever to update but I had no idea what to write, hence why it's so bad. I still have no real plot, just little storylines that will be put in. Thank you so much Mimi for all your ideas, you are such a great help please continue and also could you please post the third part of baby boy? I need more! Addicted here! Please review and give me ideas everybody. I'd like to thank all my reviewers, especially Screeching Dragon, Mimilovefox, Dreamer-in-the-dark, Slayya, Spike's Girl Luna Ash, slave2spike4eva'N'eva, wOLF8, spikedAngel22, Everlyn, lilramona, sammy-mackie, Starlit Hope and Melissa Anne Porter. You guys rule! Please don't hesitate to give me ideas. I meant what I said about trashing this fic if it gets too bad. Thanks again guys. Luv Higgy xxx. 


	6. Caretaker

Caretaker

"Hello welcome to Healing House."

Yeah that's great. Get away from me. Why are we here again? If I'm good maybe Angel will let us go home soon. Don't like it here. It's big and bright and everyone's smiling. Maybe their faces are stuck that way. Weird people. Want to go home now guys.

"You must be Spike."

How do you know? You shouldn't know that. Who've you been talking to? I'll just stand behind Angel and wait for you to go away now. Or maybe we'll all go away home. Hope so. Sire looks mad still and Wesley's putting on that nice face grin that doesn't reach his eyes. Seen that one before.

"We've heard a lot about you."

What have you heard? Heard about when I killed a bitch that looked just like you? Coz I could tell you all the details if you want. Then I could show you exactly how I did it. Wait no bad thoughts. Okay I'll just hide my head inside Sire's coat; maybe the voices will be quieter.

"Would you like anything?"

Yes please. I'd like to go home and go to bed with my sire if that's all right with you. And I'll take Wes and Gunn and Fred and Lorne with me, thank you very much. Wes can read books, Gunn can be tough, Fred can read me a story and Lorne can sing. We'll be going now. Move Sire!

"I'm Kara."

Nah, the cow I killed was called Jesse. Hey! My head's in here for a reason Sire, that doesn't mean you should try and get me out. No! Don't let her see me! She'll punish me for all the things I've done. Okay I'm safe again. Angel's stroking my head through the material of his coat and I'm quite happy in here now.

"Nice to meet you."

Uh huh. That's great. Well now we've said our hellos can we go now? Sire? I really wanna go. I don't like it here. Please? Sire? Fine if we won't move I'll settle for snuggling my head closer into your chest and wrapping my arms around your neck. Safer here. Voices can't get in.

"Are you his current carer?"

Of course he is. He's my sire. He'll always care for me and love me and hold me and chase away the monsters. I love my sire and I always will. Now can we go? This place is too wrong. I wanna go home sire. I wanna go home now. Please?

"What kind of condition is he in?"

Pathetic sob and shudder and I'm being hugged and hushed again. Thank you sire. Take notice of your baby in you coat. He wants to go home and be with you. Please? But till then just keep stroking my hair and murmuring to me. Thank you.

"Does he have any allergies?"

No more questions! I don't want any more questions! Don't you know that questions are bad and they hurt poor William if he doesn't get the answer he needs? Please stop. No more! Sire...

"What breed of demon are we dealing with here?"

Now the voice has changed. Or maybe it's the other voices? I don't know any more. I'm so confused. Please can we go? Angel's sighing and pulling me out of his coat. No don't I need that! But I'm not allowed back in. Was I that bad?

"I specifically asked for fish!"

More voices. It's too loud. Too loud and noisy. Stop it! Please all of you stop talking to me. I can't...I don't...Sire! Fine if I can't go in your coat I'll settle for attaching myself to your arm and shaking in fear.

"No Bernard not in there!"

I'm trying not to cry. Honest Sire. But they won't stop and I don't know who or what it is. Is it here? Can you here them too? Sire please I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't mean to cry but it's so hard. Help me please.

"I'm not yelling!"

Angel? Sire? Daddy? Master? Teacher? My Lord? Sir? Majesty? God? Please don't ignore me. I need you to help me get out of here. It's too bright and I don't like it and I want to go home.

"Shut up!"

Yes! Thank you. Thank you Sire. Of course it would have helped if it was you that said it. Was it another voice? What was it sire? Please tell me. Keep holding me and hugging me and talking to me. Thank you. Thank you sire. I love you.

#########

Angel sighed and finger combed the honey locks on his childe's head. Spike was in one of his worse moods at the moment and wouldn't let go of his arm. Wesley had practically forced Angel to bring Spike and the others to the Healing House so they could look around. And why did they need to look around?

"I'll leave you to decide what you feel is best for Spike." Kara smiled at them all again and left the room they were in.

Decide? What was there to decide? Wes had told Angel that more innocents were dying because all of their attention was focussed on Spike rather than their jobs. Innocents? How many innocents were left? They'd joined Wolfram and Hart for crying out loud. Since when were there any innocents in L.A. anyway?

So they were all here. Wesley had already decided what he wanted. Fred was looking small and lost in her chair. Gunn was watching the door quietly and Lorne was twiddling his thumbs as if he didn't know what to do with them. Angel was sitting in his chair with a shaking Spike attached to his right arm. What to do?

"Wanna go home sire. Wanna go home with you and drink blood and b with you. Please can we go now?" Spike was tugging on his coat sleeve and snivelling into his own shirt. Angel pried Spike away from his arm but reached out to take the younger vampire's hand.

"We'll see William. Just wait a little longer for me. Okay?" Spike nodded and Angel kissed his temple lightly. "There's a good boy." Wesley was watching the vampires with interest and Angel glared that he had the nerve.

Spike was terrified of this place. Any one could see that. And Wesley had the nerve to tell Angel that he thought Spike should stay here for his own good. What was it with that man and taking away his family? "Are we all ready to go now?" Angel asked. Clearly showing the meaning of his words.

"Angel!" Wesley stood and glared down at the vampire. "We all agreed that we came here to see if it was suitable for Spike to stay. These carers are the finest money can buy. They deal with supernatural cases every day and when I spoke to them before, they were certain they could help Spike back to normal."

"You're right. We did come to see if it was suitable. And it's not Wes. We're leaving." Angel stood as well and Spike felt his hand be released so Angel could storm up to the man and growl threateningly in his face. "Do not get between me and my family."

"Angel stop thinking about what you want and start thinking about what is best for Spike. The only reason you want him to come back is so that you can care for him and have someone dependent on you. Well no. You have to realise sooner or later that Spike needs specialist care."

Fred took the opportunity to interrupt the upcoming argument. Spike was looking a little scared at what he was hearing and Fred didn't want Spike any worse than he was already. "Why don't we all take a vote on it? Then it's not just one person's decision."

"Fine. I say he stays here and gets the treatment he needs." Wesley walked away from the glaring vampire and seated himself next to Gunn.

"I don't think it's fair to make Spike stay somewhere he doesn't like. He's scared enough already. I think he should come home." Gunn received and smile from Angel and a scowl from Wesley. He rolled his eyes and waited for Fred to answer.

"I think he should come home. It's what Spike wants." She whispered and avoided looking into Wesley's eyes. She didn't want him to be mad at her for wanting to keep Spike happy.

Lorne answered next. Putting a stop to Angel's 'Told you so' face to Wesley. "Spikeykins should stay here and get help. I'm sorry Angel but I've read him before, I know how bad it is."

Angel was stuck. Two votes each way. Gunn and Fred wanted him home. Lorne and Wes wanted him to stay. He had he decider. So what did he do? Wes and Lorne had good points. Come to think of it, Spike did need more help.

What to do? Make Spike stay? Or let him come home?

##########

Cue the reviews promising death because of cliffy!

Oh and check out my profile. New challenge out now! get it while it's hot!


	7. Career

Career

Spike whined as he watched the car speed off from the window. Angel was gone. Sire was gone. Safety had just completely packed its bags and pissed off. There was no one left to run too. He was alone.

Everything was different now. Angel wasn't here. Who was going to feed him? Who was going to look after him? Who was going to read him a story when he got scared at night? He was alone in a small room with nothing but a bed and nightstand. He didn't even have a big bed like Angel's. It was small and white with pale sheets and no Angel.

Angel's bed had big, black, smelly, safe sheets with Angel beneath them. Even his own bed sometimes had Angel in it. It smelled safe and comforting, but this was wrong. There was no Angel. No Wesley. No Fred. No Lorne. No Gunn. Nobody. He was alone and surrounded by people he could only describe as insane.

They'd put him in here and locked the door behind him before he even had time to say goodbye. Angel had been crying silently when he waved goodbye and Spike had been sobbing pitifully when he finally understood what was going on. He'd grabbed onto his sire's arm and tried to go home, but the strange men had pulled him off and taken him inside.

Wesley had just walked away with Lorne, but Fred and Gunn had held Angel and told him things. Whispered sweet things in his ear and hugged him. No one hugged Spike. No one said anything nice. Just, "Stay here until someone comes to get you." Then nothing. Left alone in a blank room with nothing.

Wrapping his arms around himself and pretending it was really Angel holding him, Spike made his way over to the bed. Sitting on the edge he tried to analysis it carefully. The sheets were not crumpled from use, or stained from spills like his real bed. This one was crisp, straight and clean. It smelled sanitary and like whiteness. Nothing was right here.

On the back of the door was a plastic wallet with a few slips of paper in. Spike watched as the plastic rustled in the breeze. There was no way he was getting off the bed. Even if it wasn't his, it was recognisable. Nothing else in this room felt safe enough to trust. The walls were bare and white; the floor was a dark blue carpet with a rough feel to it.

The window was plain and not special glass like at home. There were big, thick, heavy curtains each side that would keep out the sunrays. He shivered at the plainness of the room. There was nothing to do here. He was totally alone and no one would hold him. Not even if he asked.

He didn't like it here.

He didn't have to stay here if he didn't want to. Angel had said he didn't have to do anything he didn't want to. And he didn't want to be here! Sniffing slightly and wiping away the few tears that had escaped Spike stood slowly and crept his way over to the door. He was shaky on his feet from fear, but he wasn't going to let that stop him.

Slowly opening the door, he slipped into he hallway. It was plain and white and had barely any shadows for him to hide in. He grimaced at the blankness of everywhere as he inched along the hallway.

Doors were everywhere and he was trying not to go too near to them. If he did, something would probably jump out and get him. He didn't want anything to get him. He wanted Angel to come and get him. Maybe if he got out of this place, Angel would take him home?

It was a test...

It had to be. Angel would never abandon him. Not on purpose. He needed Angel. And Angel needed him. He'd said it. When Angel was holding him in their bed, it was so much better. Nothing could get him and he was safe. No one could hurt him or touch him except for his sire. Angel would protect him from the voices.

But here...in this place... the voices were everywhere. They were all round him. Circling like vultures and spinning round his head waiting for when he was the most vulnerable. Then they'd swoop in and grab him and hurt him and bite him and torture him like he deserved.

He shivered and made his way quietly along the corridor. Noises were coming from each room and he felt so scared and alone. He wanted Angel so badly. And he wasn't there. Where was he?

Wolfram and Hart. That was it. He had to get there. Go and find Angel and be held.

"Well who have we got here?" Came a voice from behind him. Spike span round and wailed loudly at the voices with no bodies. It was too bright in the hall and now the voices were louder. He stumbled backwards and tried to get to the door. He tugged and tugged at the handle but it wouldn't budge.

"Hey! Calm it buddy, you don't want us to use the tranqs do ya?" Said a different voice. Spike whimpered and tried to break down the door. He needed to get away. He couldn't let the voices get him again. He just couldn't.

"I don't think he gets it Carl." There was a moment's silence before a button clicked and the voice continued. "Doctor Black? We have a patient here on floor 2 trying to escape. Want us to tranq him?" There was a buzz and a click and then something blurry was said. Spike groaned as the noise hurt his ears.

Then it stopped.

"So? What'd the boss say? Do we get to shoot him?" Asked the second voice. Wow, they were actually having a conversation. They'd never had a conversation before. They'd just yell and scream and shout about how bad he was.

"Nah. Doc. wants us to take him back to his room. Keep him there." The first voice replied. Hey, maybe it wasn't voices. Spike screwed up his eyes and slowly turned round, still not peeking. Just in case.

"This is the newbie huh?" Slowly opening his eyes, Spike saw two men outlined in the white hallway. One had a gun and the other was grinning madly at him. He didn't like them. Not one bit. "Hey Darren, think we could teach him a lesson about trying to run?"

A lesson? Spike decided that he didn't want a lesson. Not if it was these two teaching. Angelus taught him. Only Angelus. No one else had ever even tried to teach him before. His head hurt from thinking too fast and he groaned a little.

"Think we might have to Carl. The little baby doesn't understand the rules yet." Darren grinned as well and approached the vampire quickly. Spike shuddered and pushed himself into the wall as Carl took the hint and also walked towards him.

He began to wail as they drew closer, but was stopped when Darren's hand covered his mouth. "None of that little baby. You have to be quiet." He grinned and slipped a hand beneath the struggling vampire's arm. Carl took the other side and they soon had Spike back in his room with a locked door.

Spike began to sob outright as he was thrown across the room and hit the wall. He began to sob to himself and try to curl up as he heard the men discussing what they were going to do to him. He wished Angel were here...

!"£$&()

Angel sighed as he walked into his suite. It was so quiet here. And too tidy. There were no cushions stacked up on the sofa to make a fort. No wail from the bed when his childe had had a nightmare. No blood splattered across the walls because someone thought it was contaminated. It was wrong.

He sighed as he crawled into his bed facing the smaller bed still at the other end. The covers were rumpled and there were a few bite holes in the pillow from where Spike had killed something in his dreams. But there was no insane vampire curled up and fidgeting in his sleep.

Even weirder, was the fact that said insane vampire wasn't curled up with Angel in his bed. Usually by now, Spike would have slept for a few hours in his own bed before crawling across the room and making himself comfortable next to, or on top of, the other vampire.

But there was nothing. Angel sighed and rolled over to face the wall of windows. All the way across L.A. his childe was undoubtedly not sleeping. He was probably curled up crying and hoping that his sire would come and find him. God did Angel want to.

There was no other way of putting it. Spike needed him and he wasn't there. He was the worst Sire ever.

!"£$&()!"£$&()

To those who thought I was abandoning this fic, don't worry! I'm not. I refuse to leave any of my fics half done. I think it's wrong to get peoples hopes up only to leave them hanging. So I will be continuing this and all of my fics. However, having said that, don't be surprised if there are barely any updates for a while. I'm currently trying to make my way through school and I have tonnes of coursework to do. So it may take a while for chapters to be posted. But I am not leaving anything. Luv Higgy xxx.


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